The fight to rename the Gourmet Ghetto has reached a new level, as activists succeeded in establishing a ban on allowing Gourmets to enter the area.
The area will henceforth be known as “the Ghetto,” encircled by high walls and barbed wire. Gourmets who approach will be turned back at the armed gates. Those Gourmets who are trapped inside will be pelted with high velocity baguettes if they attempt to escape.
The proprietor of Wrecking Ball coffee, a recent arrival to the area, is leading the charge to take a wrecking ball to this sleepy corner of North Berkeley. “I just got here,” he declared. “We need to rename everything and restrict access accordingly. That will be all.”
Venerable institutions such as Chez Panisse have attracted devotees for decades. Staff are now hunkered down after an internal struggle over who could take shelter upstairs and who was forced into the formerly coveted downstairs dining room.
“The airlift supplying compassionate foie gras and artisanally gathered morel mushrooms is expected to land on our roof,” said upstairs dining resident Love McDonald. “The knives are out and it’s every Gourmet for themself.”