Berkeley is doubling down on its drive to defund policing, despite the defeat of one of the city’s most ardent foes of public safety, CM Davila. CMs Hahn, Harrison, and Mayor Arreguìn show no signs of letting up as they led the Council to approve creation of a 17 member task force of people with no expertise whatsoever to reimagine policing.
“We have nationally recognized experts in deescalation and an exceptionally low number of sustained or settled complaints,” pleaded Chief Greenwood.
“That may be,” responded Hahn, “but Berkeley is a community. And as such we prefer to launch a community process over listening to experts. And we can always look to our fawning and unctuous consultants to tell us what you lying cops already know.”
After the meeting, Chief Greenwood reportedly sought medical treatment for severe bite marks on his tongue. He is expected to recover fully.
Lieutenant Spencer Fomby again pointed to the Department’s success with deescalation. CM Harrison was having none of it, demanding “if your techniques are so effective then why isn’t George Floyd here, alive, in Berkeley, today?”
Fomby was off camera briefly and upon returning was seen applying an icepack to his jaw, his elbow supported by what appeared to be a copy of What Color is Your Parachute?
Mayor Arreguìn reiterated the importance of creating a task force with no expertise to reimagine policing. “Look, when I imagine policing, I think of Officer Friendly or getting handcuffed by a police woman who is really a stripper… so hot… Anyway, let that be our North Star by which the 17 plot our course. And don’t listen to experts who would just use GPS.”
The mention of GPS prompted CM Robinson to put forward a friendly amendment to fund a supply of tin foil for task force meetings. “To defend the work of the task force, we must empower them to fashion protective headgear. Russian hackers are everywhere, even in the Hills.” The amendment was accepted.
The mention of the Hills prompted CM Wengraf to put forward a friendly amendment to fund wildfire protections. “Come on folks, we’re reimagining here. Work with me!” There was no second.
CM Ben Bartlett had the final word. “We’ve all seen the news about Minneapolis politicians backing away from the Defund the Police movement and budget cuts that they enacted. It’s up to us to lead the way in Defunding. And I personally would like to get some parking tickets defunded. Chief, I’m sending you a list.”