Third generation Elmwood resident Clare Ashby held a press conference yesterday to announce that her neighbors yard signs have finally convinced her that “science is real,” “love is love,” and that America should “dump Trump.”
“I’ve long held the belief that one shouldn’t believe everything they read,” said Ashby. “These are just words on a sign. All of my neighbors have them. It felt like a cult. But I went for a walk last week and suddenly realized that these signs are right. Maybe it was the kombucha I had with lunch, but I’m convinced!”
It felt like a cult … but I’m convinced!
Third-generation resident Clare Ashby
Ashby’s capitulation to a yard sign is a Berkeley first, according to a spokesperson for the Berkeley Public Health Department, who issued a statement after Ashby’s press conference. “Berkeley is a complete political monoculture. People put these signs up, but literally everyone already agrees with them. It’s not like we’re in a swing state or something. So, the fact that someone’s mind was changed here – especially that of a lifelong resident – is truly unprecedented.”
CM Bartlett has proposed a staff referral to study Ashby’s conversion. “While it’s great that she was able to align her beliefs with everyone else in town, albeit belatedly, I’m concerned that someone could put up a sign with a different message and cause people to reconsider their positions. We cannot risk a reduction in conformity here in the birthplace of the Free Speech Movement.”