A group of local activists has successfully petitioned the Berkeley City Council to start a Defund the Lifeguards task force. The group’s leader Frum P. Bleedingheart was at Willard Pool (totally kidding South Berkeley) King Pool and noticed a group of 4 children engaged in a round of Sharks and Minnows that appeared at risk of turning boisterous and possibly even fun. She observed lifeguard intervention that was a bit heavy handed for her taste, and realized that lifeguards were only there to insure a safe and orderly swimming pool environment. She concluded that in an era where “safe and orderly” is frequently associated with extreme privilege this was unacceptable for modern day Berkeley. Bleedingheart gathered a number of other like minded Berkeleyans, founded Not On My Pace Clock!, and got Councilmember Harrison to initiate the citywide task force.
…40% increase in drownings and 60% growth in slip and fall claims…
“It is appalling that in 2021 we still have Pool Overseers to keep pool users safe and orderly.” said Bleedingheart. When asked about the 40% increase in drownings, and 60% growth in slip and fall claims other cities have experienced since the Defund the Lifeguard movement swept the nation, Bleedingheart stated, “It is absolutely worthwhile to battle the pervasive injustices that accompany safe and orderly swimming pool environments. To justify this elitism in order to preserve the safety of other pool users, from the toddlers to the geriatric lane walkers, is unconscionable in a progressive city like Berkeley.”
The Bunion reached out to Berkeley Union of Lifeguards (B.U.L.) spokesperson Al Takedabenis for comment. Said Takedabenis “that’s an interesting strategy, but OK. I am eligible for retirement this year anyhow, and I am really looking forward to producing even less value for the same comp plan I get now. And I won’t be able to hear the screaming parents from my cabin in Grass Valley. So, knock yourselves out, literally!”
The new task force will help change the city’s approach to lifesaving, summer pool crushes, accident prevention and community safety. Members of the new group will work with the National Institute for Lifeguard Reform and “serve as a hub for community engagement” for Berkeley’s efforts to “reimagine pool safety.”
if you view this notion through the lens of Berkeley values, it makes terrific sense.
Bleedingheart’s leading idea is to simply close the King and West Campus pools, which she says kills two birds with one stone. “That would restore equity in the availability of swimming facilities and remove the Pool Overseers from our community. It is a little extreme, but if you view this notion through the lens of Berkeley values, it makes terrific sense.”
The Task Force will be accepting applications until March 1, and will be tasked to deliver an action plan by Memorial Day, the date local pools typically open for recreational use. A list of task force requirements can be found here. Applicants will need to provide:
- demographic information
- 7 personal and 9 professional references
- a letter from their councilmember
- a signed affidavit agreeing to sit through endless bloviation about goings on in other communities
- a statement explaining how their background qualifies them to serve on the lifeguard task force
- evidence of an awkward injustice that took place during their teen years at a community pool
- a donation to the campaign to reelect the mayor
- a signed pledge that they will not deviate from the index card of allowable Berkeley opinion
- a copy of an auto-signed letter from Barack and Michelle Obama thanking them for their support for either the 2008 or 2012 campaign
This reporter is eagerly anticipating reading the task force’s action plan!