Realignment of Milvia Street Proves to be a Cash-Cow
Public Works Considering Installing Random Concrete Barriers to Recover $7.2M Budget Shortfall
Antonio Matucchi has been in the vehicle repair business for over 30 years. He specializes in front end alignments for high performance cars. At the beginning of the year, Matucchi noticed a sudden uptick in business. “We typically did 6-10 vehicles a week then in January our average was 25-30. Further, they all had an unusual type of damage — server bending of the right-side axel.” Matucchi was curious why demand for his services had grown over 100% with tell-tail right axel damage. Finally, one customer sheepishly reported, “I was making a left turn onto Milvia street and WHAM, I drove straight into the concrete barrier in the middle of the road. My car came to halt and when I backed up and started driving the wheel was pulling to the right and there was an awful thumping sound.”
As it turns out, hundreds of drivers have collided with the concrete slabs intended to separate the roadway from the bike lane. None were aware of the recent installation. Another one of Matucchi’s customers reported, “at first I thought it was the standard Berkeley pothole but when my steering locked up, I realized it was a lot worse.”
at first I thought it was the standard Berkeley pothole but when my steering locked up, I realized it was a lot worse
While a $300-400 front end alignment job puts the sting in driver’s pocketbooks, the added revenue has the bean-counters at City Hall rejoicing. A city spokesperson reported, “2021 was a rough year for sales tax revenue, particularly with cannabis sales in the tank; so far in 2022 we are on track for record revenue from automotive repair establishments.”
The surge in revenue has not gone unnoticed by the Public Works Department. Facing a $7.2 million budget short fall, the department is considering placing random concert barriers throughout Berkeley as a “revenue enhancement” measure. A department spokesperson noted, “until now we were really relying on potholes to be a revenue driver, but Berkeley motorists have come to accept that their vehicles will be battered by our streets anyway, so the typical resident says to herself no point in installing new shock absorbers. However, a locked-up steering column is an entirely different matter, and that is when the tax revenue comes rolling in.”
The Bunion obtained an internal department memo titled, Filling the $7.2 Million Hole. The memo suggested a “random barrier” approach as a “process of natural adaption“ will ultimately result in fewer drivers striking the barriers on Milvia. In support of its recommendation for random barriers, the memo emphasized “it’s the element of surprise that really drives revenue.”
